Drawing 50

I woke up, thinking - what to do today? What does one do when one turns 50? My paints were in my studio, but the only thing that made any sense was to sit myself down right away, and take a good honest look at myself before I had any time to think. I found a watercolor block, and my drawing box and thus began a project of drawing myself every day for my 50th year. To live 50 as a painter, taking a good look each day, whether I have 2 minutes or an hour, and whether I want to or not. And in the way that iterations are not just repetitions but change due to the very fact of being repeated, I will live the year of 50.

Karen Kaapcke, September 2012

The Continuation: I have noticed in this, my 51st year, that I am more my body than ever. Yet I was suddenly barely recognizing it. The need to look at it and 'lean in' with it, to work with it, has become central. As a result, my body is becoming more my own. And more universally representative of the need to be present physically in a way that most women find only happens in the younger, sexy years. 51 = drawing the body.

Karen Kaapcke 3.30.13

A few years later, and I looked into the mirror - and was struck by how foreign my belly was to me. I still don't recognize myself.

Karen Kaapcke 9.20.16
I started to draw out of sheer obligation today, which is why it is good to make this kind of commitment.   Having woken up on the emotional side of the bed, possibly because I am recovering so slowly from this chest infection, I could barely keep my thoughts under control.   As I started to draw however it was remarkable how each line took me further away from the chaos and closer to the one place on the paper where my pencil was.  After so many years of drawing and painting, you'd think this would not surprise me - but it always does.

1.30.13, self-portrait wondering if drawing really can put in some kind of order the chaos of the mind.
graphite, 9x12",
©Karen Kaapcke 2013

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