Whether it was the humid, grey sky waiting to rain - or recovery from our long day out at Rockaway Beach yesterday, followed by fishing and a killer subway ride back home, today got off to a very heavy start. Slogged through an errand that took me downtown - and then, the thought of drawing just made me want to take a nap. What I did, though, was go for a run. I was literally running to be able to draw, like aerobic training for drawing - and then, before showering afterwards I took the energy and sat to work.
5.28.13, self portrait with two kinds of blue, graphite and craypas, 8x11"
©Karen Kaapcke 2013
I woke up, thinking - what to do today? What does one do when one turns 50? My paints were in my studio, but the only thing that made any sense was to sit myself down right away, and take a good honest look at myself before I had any time to think. I found a watercolor block, and my drawing box and thus began a project of drawing myself every day for my 50th year. To live 50 as a painter, taking a good look each day, whether I have 2 minutes or an hour, and whether I want to or not. And in the way that iterations are not just repetitions but change due to the very fact of being repeated, I will live the year of 50.
Karen Kaapcke, September 2012
The Continuation: I have noticed in this, my 51st year, that I am more my body than ever. Yet I was suddenly barely recognizing it. The need to look at it and 'lean in' with it, to work with it, has become central. As a result, my body is becoming more my own. And more universally representative of the need to be present physically in a way that most women find only happens in the younger, sexy years. 51 = drawing the body.
Karen Kaapcke 3.30.13
A few years later, and I looked into the mirror - and was struck by how foreign my belly was to me. I still don't recognize myself.
Karen Kaapcke 9.20.16